The moment I had a son something clicked inside me. It changed everything.

This happened to me when I was very young and my life was a mess, full of drugs and darkness. I was not there for my son even though my heart cried out for him. But I could not control my life the way I should have. I know I put him in second priority in my life and my ‘high life’ living first, but as I said, once I became a father something changed and my heart was for my son. I tried in vain to build a relationship with him, but it was clouded with my selfishness, shallow and pointless. It was the only way I could handle it. Anything else would have been too much for me.

I gave my life to Jesus almost two years ago and He has preformed miracle after miracle in my life. The more mature I become with the Lord the more responsibility he gives to me. Yet there was one thing tugging on my heart, one thing that I desired more than anything in this world, and that was to become a real father to my son. To be there for him, to let him know how much I love him and how much I want to be in his life. But it seemed impossible as I live far away from him and I have no relationship with his mother. I could not see any chance of seeing him for a long time. With every plan I tried to make, the doors just slammed in my face hard and painfully. There was only one thing I could do and that was to deeply and sincerely cry to Jesus and to share my heart with the elders and people close to me. Each one reminded me that the Lord is looking after me and he is looking after my son better than I could ever do. It will be in His timing that He will reunite us. In the mean time I wrote to him and spoke to him on the phone. Yet this left me feeling empty, because I had no relationship with him and when I phoned him it was not fruitful. It hurt us both too much so I stopped and my heart grew sad and lonely in need of my son. All I could do was pray.

A few weeks ago here were getting ready to go to the family camp in Durban, South Africa. I had no desire to go. I had insufficient money available and no conviction to go either. A few days before the camp I received a phone call from my father. My heart started to pound and a smile spread across my face as he told me that my mom had agreed to buy me an air ticket to South Africa and that my dad had agreed to pay all my costs of going to the family camp and also to spend some time in Botswana with him. I was overjoyed, but there was more. My son Kyle was going to be at the camp too and afterwards he would travel up to Botswana to spend a week with us! I could not believe my ears. I was shocked and totally in awe of Jesus and His kindness and faithfulness. Kyle met me at the airport and when we saw each other again it was as if we hadn’t spent a day apart. I have tears in my eyes as I write this because he should hate me. He should be so angry with me for not phoning or writing or being a father to him. But not even one hour had passed when he turned to me and said, “I love you dad. You’re the best dad in the whole world.” How do I thank Jesus for this gift? How can I repay him for the blessing of my son and the time he gave us together? We spent a wonderful two weeks together. He taught me how to play Playstation games and I took him driving, which he loved and was really good at. We got to know each other on a deeper level and we realised how much we loved each other. This time was truly given to us by the Lord because I know I could not have planned it better.

I phone him regularly now and we share special moments together, joking and laughing and connecting on a much deeper and more meaningful level. He knows who I am, where I am and what I do. And I know him. Jesus answered the deepest cry of my heart and it gives me faith that if someone is part of His plan he will come through for you. We just need to rest in His grace. Thank you Jesus!