Six months ago, prompted by a heart rendering call of the Holy Spirit, I took a step of faith to pursue the plan of God for my life. Since then, I’ve experienced what is means to be cherished by Jesus. There has been great upheaval in my soul. I have been challenged, exposed and chastised. I have felt the hand of the Lord heavy upon my life, but I know it’s only because he desires to mould and prepare me to do what he has called me to do. I have seen my weakness, my wretchedness and my poverty, but I’ve also experienced the love and grace of Jesus in a new way, which is teaching me to remain in faith no matter how I feel at any given time, whether I’m experiencing the pleasure of his presence or if I feel disconnected from him - when his voice goes silent.

I’m learning to appreciate his ways of perfecting my soul and I’m developing a deeper thirst and yearning to know Christ in a more profound way - in a way in which his life will be transmitted through mine - where he becomes more and I become less. I’m learning what it means to eat of his flesh and drink of his blood. I’m also realising why so many of his disciples abandoned him when he said that they have no life in them unless they fellowship with him in this way - in his sufferings and death. I’m discovering why the apostle Paul proclaimed that this is the way he wants to know Christ, because it’s the only way I can really know him and for his very life to be imparted to me. I’m able to identify with Peter when Jesus asked if the Twelve would abandon him as well, and he replied, “To whom should we go? You have the words of eternal life.” I have no alternative. This is the life I’ve been called to. Anything else would seem obtuse and I would never know the joy of serving Jesus the way he has ordained for me to serve him. I’m getting a glimpse of what it means to truly lose my life to gain his life, and to fear the Lord my God.